Who's with me!? It just totally sucks. And what makes it suck even more is your family and friends showing you their love and support by telling you it's going to be alright. "YES LOGICALLY I KNOW THIS, i mean look at me duh, BUT EMOTIONALLY MY LIFE IS OVER, JUST LET ME CRY IN PEACE DAMMIT!" In heartbreak we can experience super intense feelings of despair, anger, hopelessness, confusion, fear, sadness, and loneliness (just to name a few). It can overwhelm you to the point where you just want to sleep most of the time because you don't want to FEEL anymore. I've had my fair share of heartaches, but none like the last one. This time was different. This time I 'got it'.
Even though I knew I had made the right decision by leaving, it was as if my whole entire world collapsed beneath me. I had never felt so many crappy feelings at once. I would hold my face and just cry in the fetal position for hours. I am sure you have too. (Even if you haven't, let's just say you did so I won't feel like a weirdo ok?)
But as time went by, my wounds started healing. This marks the stage of a new beginning...A time where you re-discover yourself and begin to rebuild your life. You start to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Slowly but surely, you are filled with realizations and gain an in-depth understanding of your experience. It's very difficult for you to embrace and learn the valuable lessons of heartbreak if you run off to be with someone else or choose to numb your pain with other things, which I had done in the past...but if you just stick with the pain, gently acknowledge and accept it, you will FINALLY 'get it' too, just like I did. These are 5 valuable lessons I learned from heartbreak:
1. Self-Love Is Crucial.
That horrible aching pain you feel? It's not really longing for the person you lost. That pain is calling out for you to tend to it. To nurture it. To give it comfort. Who you really need is YOU, so don't try to fill the void with another person. Acknowledge that you are grieving and give yourself all the love you need. Eat right, get enough sleep, and exercise. Try to decrease negative thoughts and hurtful self-talk. Allow yourself to cry as much as you want, allow yourself moments of silence. These small acts of self-love go a long way while healing from the pain of a broken heart.
2. Healing Is NOT Linear.
I've made more loopty-loops than a roller coaster, and that's all right. One month I felt like I was finally making headway, and the next I felt like it all went down the drain. This is completely NORMAL. Heartbreak provides your soul with many lessons to be assimilated and if you don't get them at the time, they'll just come back around again when you are ready to receive or in a better state of mind. Just know that it is perfectly OK to have those moments where you do not think you are healing fast enough...because in reality, you're right on time...Divine time that is.
3. Forgiveness Is A Choice.
I think this is one of the most important lessons I've learned about life in general, but it is certainly heightened during heartbreak. It's so easy to stay in a place of blame. It does lessen the sting at one point, but after you just gotta let go. See here's the kicker: you may have to practice forgiveness almost every day. Perhaps several times a day. But it's a choice that is always available you. And if you do make the choice, it will bring you freedom and inner peace, at least for the moment. And damn it feels good to be liberated from bitterness, resentment, and anger, even if momentarily. I wrote about the path to forgiveness in another blog post.
4. People Do Not Change...Unless THEY Want To.
You CANNOT make someone change. Can I repeat that??? YOU CANNOT MAKE SOMEONE CHANGE. They must want to change on their own. Not for you. Not for their kids or family. But for themselves. You can hope and pray and beg. You can restrict them from everything or lay down crazy rules. You can even play mind games to try to coax them to change (doesn't work, it will backfire...trust me). They might alter their behavior temporarily to please you but in the end it is NOT GENUINE nor is it lasting. They must WANT to change for themselves, not for you or anyone else.
5. Transformation Is Inevitable.
In physics, the law of conservation of energy states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed; rather, it transforms from one form to another. And since we are all beings of energy, you cannot be destroyed darling! But you sure as heck can transform. Question is, what do you want to transform into? Do you want to level up or go back to who you once were? You have options! I made sure that no matter what happened, I was going to come out the other side a much better version of myself. I took self-growth and self-discovery seriously. It required strength, courage, lots of patience, and plenty of yoga, but here I am. And if I can do it, so can you.